Kids & Self-Discipline...They Need YOUR Help

People often mistake motivation for self-discipline. They believe motivation can keep you going for a long time toward their goals and are very disappointed when it doesn't. Motivation is the ignition, not the fuel in your engine. Your fuel is self-discipline, something that you do without questioning. The moment you start to question whether to do something difficult or not, there is a 90% likelihood you won't. This is precisely why a routine is important! I know that I absolutely hate the process of showering, doing my make-up and my hair every morning. Honestly, it is pure torture for me! But I do it every day without fail only because I have developed a habit and it is not a daily DECISION for me anymore. I just do it because I always do it.

Many kids start lessons (not just piano) because they enjoy music or think it would be so awesome to be able to play their favorite songs themselves. However, in order get to this goal of playing for fun, students need to practice regularly. And practicing, by definition, means that the student works on the pieces that are difficult, not the ones that they already know well. When a student sits down and plays the songs they already know, that is called playing for fun--which is the goal that we are trying to reach! :D

Unfortunately, self-discipline is not something kids are born with. Period.

Now, maybe there is that 1 in 1000 kid that loves to practice the challenging parts (I know I wasn't one of them!) but the rest absolutely hate it! That is normal, and unfortunately we can't cure normal. Kids don't have the long-term view of life to understand that sacrifices now lead to great things later for them to enjoy (playing songs they want to play). Therefore, kids have a very hard time with self-discipline unless they get guidance from parents who help them set up routines.

Parents must help their kids in the same way whether it be for piano lessons, homework or sports. Studies show that it takes about 2 weeks to develop a habit of doing something without questioning it. Therefore, I suggest that parents take 2 weeks and enforce a practice schedule, even for just 5-10 minutes every day. Use of primary reinforcers (rewarding the student with a treat for complying with the schedule) will help navigate through complaining, whining and tantruming if that is an issue. At the end of 2 weeks, most parents will be pleasantly surprised that the kids sit down to practice without being asked, or with minimal reminders.

Of course, some students might not have that extra time in their schedule to devote to practicing. In this case, I would highly suggest that they post-pone taking lessons (whether an instrument or sport) until they have the time (even 10 minutes) every day to practice. When kids don't progress at an activity, they start to become bored, discouraged and even resentful! Many people think that making the kids practice will make them resentful to the activity, but on the contrary, they become more resentful when they don't seem to be getting anywhere. There are some students that make progress even just from weekly lesson and in that case, I would say it is ok to continue with lessons because they kids are happy with the goals they are reaching slowly but surely. In the end, what we want is for them to have a sense of achievement and the ability to play things that they enjoy.

Piano Rewards Club

I think by now even kids are familiar with your friendly neighborhood supermarket rewards program for customers. The more you shop, the more rewards points you get--and at the end of the month you have an envelope full of coupons and certificates to use at the store. I personally think the program is fantastic and I admit it works to get me back in the store. There is something about earning points that you never grow out of!

Well, if you're having a hard time motivating your kid (or yourself) to practice and strive for improvement, I highly recommend a Piano Rewards Club. I have started implementing this system with most of my students and so far it has really worked wonders!

To start, you need a little notebook, like a practice log you can buy at your local piano store. Here is how the game works:

1 minute of practice = 1 point

New song mastered = 5-20 points (based on difficulty) per page

New song memorized= 5-20 pts per page (again based on difficulty)

Random games = Random amounts of p0ints

Then the kids collect the points and redeem them for prizes. I have a big prize bag with things that have different "prices". For the older kids, they can save up a ton of points for gift certificates to their favorite places. I also encourage that parents use the points system for things the kids want such as going out somewhere or getting some new gadget.

Now, this system is not just for kids! I've effectively used it on myself and therefore other adults can use it too. You just need someone else in the picture to help keep you accountable. For example, to encourage my own practice schedule, I earn points and redeem them for prizes from my husband such as a night out on the town or help with some task I really want to avoid (like cleaning the mold off of the bathroom wall).

So, everyone, I highly encourage you to create the Piano Rewards Program in your own home!

Teaching the Littlest Ones...

Perhaps my favorite part of teaching piano is the time when I teach the littlest ones...mostly under five years old. They are so positive, curious and fearless...and not to mention so cute!! One of my little students can't even pronounce my name correctly but he memorizes a little song by heart almost every week "just for teacher." And he just turned four.

Another little one, also four, pushes on relentlessly to new materials. When I suggest that we stop for the day, he pouts and begs to try one more harder new song. How different from all of us adults!

One really amazing thing to watch as a teacher of that age group is how quickly their brains evolve from month to month, even week to week! When they are very young, their brain is developing at a fantastic speed so, as a teacher, I can see amazing leaps in skill and ability to comprehend concepts that are being taught.

One tip for teachers that are just beginning to venture into the "under 5" age group is not to pressure the students to absorb every concept like notes, rythm, technique, fingering, etc. Take one thing to concentrate on and let the kid enjoy the learning process. Make it easy for a while and be patient because soon you will be amazed when the child lets you know that he is ready for something more challenging. Let the individual development of each child guide you, rather than you trying to keep the kid "on track." There is time...a lot of time actually...for them to learn. It's important not to spoil that initial introduction by giving too much challenge and too many demands. For example, I had one little student whose parents thought I was being too leniant, but trusting my instinct and experience, I allowed the little one to move at snail's pace, repeating the same songs over and over for months. Then one day I noticed he was speaking in more intelligent sentences and so I had the idea to give him a little challenge. He immediately

comprehended what I was trying to teach because he had such a solid base in the material we have been using for months and his brain had developed enough to understand more complicated concepts. And more importantly, the rather long easy-going beginning allowed him to become attached to the piano without the negativity of failure and so for him piano continued to be a fun activity, even as I raised the difficulty level bit by bit.

In my opinion it is very important to prime the child's brain correctly from the beginning so that the activity doesn't become a dreaded chore. I truly recommend this approach if you are hoping for your child/student will continue with piano playing joyfully...

Netbooks are Heaven-Sent for Piano Teachers!

This month the universe gave me an incredible gift to improve my piano lessons...the Netbook.

Needless to say I already LOVE technological advances, even if they are not useful to me directly. I just think it's beautifuly how humans can think of and develop all these amazing technological things so quickly. But when it directly impacts me, I'm on cloud nine!

These netbooks (from Verizon) are amazing in that they are so small and can get me internet ANYWHERE- in my car, in the bathroom, on the beach, etc. That means if I'm ever lost, I can look up mapquest anywhere. If i have 15 minutes to kill between lessons, I can answer emails, read the news and become more efficient, eliminating down-time. Additionally, I can easily bring the netbook with me to lessons and play videos for my students, show them games and even bring up sheet music if one of us forgot to bring the paper copy for that lesson.

I would recommend ANY piano teacher to get one of these very inexpensive tools to enhance their lessons...

Hitting Rock Bottom and Climbing Back Out

Here is another good confession that I think many of you may relate to: I haven't practiced in two weeks and finally hit rock bottom yesterday. But the great thing is that I figured out how to climb out of the dark depressing hole.

About two weeks ago something strange started to happen. I had been practicing pretty regularly on some new and some old songs. One of the new songs I was in love with since I was a teenager. I thought I was ready to learn it finally and set a goal and practice plan. However, after a couple of weeks I had not gotten past the first page and had begun to dread the practice time dedicated to this song. Soon, I started even to dread the whole practice session, even with songs I already knew. My fingers were just not moving correctly, I knew I was doing something very wrong because I started to experience pain and stiffness.  At about the same time I was also working on the computer a lot more and my pinky started to hurt from guiding the mouse.  Somehow I started to make the connection between using the computer and the inability to play (wrong reason by the way).  As the days went by, I kept finding excuses to shorten my sessions and finally I stopped all together. Every time I passed the piano I felt a pang of guilt and that same hurt  you feel when you ignore a loved one because it is too difficult to deal with them.

As the days went by I felt my hands stiffen, even with regular activities. My fingers weren't being used and stretched as they were accustomed to and my hands started to feel alien to me. At the same time I started becoming a little more depressed with no explanation. Nothing had changed in my life to warrant it.  I even started to dread my piano lessons because I knew that with stiff fingers I couldn't perform well for my own students, thus embarrassing myself.  How could I be a good role model when I didn't follow my own advice?

This past weekend I tried to reconnect with the piano, but it just wasn't happening. I just felt like we weren't friends anymore. Then yesterday I really felt like I hit rock bottom because I lost inspiration for all other activities and ended the night drinking some Sauvignon Blanc and watching "In the Bedroom", a very emotional movie, half of which I cried through and felt all my feelings.  Finally when the movie was done and my face was swollen and red from crying, I got it.

I realized what had happened. I was not ready for that song but I didn't want to admit it to myself. I subconsciously knew that I would get nowhere for a long time, especially without any help from former piano teachers. I just had to put it away and it was ok to do that. There are a million other songs I can work on and build myself up to this one. It just wasn't time and by rushing myself into something I wasn't ready for, I had sabotaged everything else I was working for. 

So if you ever feel this happening to you, you know what to do now...

Practice, Not Genius

Here is just another article about the fact that the latest research shows that it is practice, not genius, that brings out the virtuosos in anything.  The author particularly discusses Mozart as a young child. It turns out he wasn't that impressive--his early "genius" works were quite boring and were just different combinations of pieces from other musicians' works.  The only thing that made Mozart stand out was that he 1) got his 10,000 hours in early, and 2) he had a father that guided him from a very young age, like Tiger Woods and Andre Agassi. (Research has shown that it takes about 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert at anything.)

This brings us back to the point that deliberate, continuous (and many times boring) practice is the way to reach your goals, whether with the piano or any other activity.  I often have students or parents of students that doubt they will ever become really good because they are not geniuses like the greats. Well of course they will never become really good if they shoot themselves in the foot and avoid practice! 

I KNOW practicing is hard and boring.  I go through this battle every day myself, I am no different from my students.  And somedays I lose this battle and end up drinking wine and watching Lifetime movies, having rationalized that I am too drained from the day, or it will bother the neighbors, or I'm too hungry, etc... But on the days that I win the battle and actually sit through my practice session, however boring or unsuccessful it was, I know that I am chipping away toward my goals and feel exhilerated. Sometimes I just force myself to sit at the piano and stare at a sheet of music for 30 minutes even if I don't have the inclination to actually touch the keys with my fingers.  It's really about the concentration, focus and deliberate participation in the activity you are dying to be an expert at. 

You can read the article here:

"Genius: The Modern View"  by David Brooks, an Op-Ed Columnist at the NY Times

Piano Practice a "Cure" for ADHD?

Here is an interesting article about research that shows that brain exercises may reduce ADD and ADHD symptoms in adults:

"Brain Games and Exercise: A Drug-Free Treatment for ADHD?"

It explores a controversial new book by Dr. Amnon Gimpel who suggests that activities in your everyday life can be turned into mental exercises. These exercises can in turn increase dopamine levels in the brain and, since ADHD symptoms may be caused by dopamine deficiency, may lessen the symptoms of adult ADHD.

The concept seems pretty simple when you look at it. If mental exercises increase brain cell growth, that would increase the amount of dopamine produced by the cells and therefore relieve the dopamine deficiency. Games such as chess, juggling, and sudoku are simple ways to exercise the brain in this way. I am sure, however, doing activities that require intense concentration such as piano would have the same effect. With piano, you cannot play without intense focus on reading the notes or trying to remember what notes to press next with your hands. I wouldn't be surprised if studying piano in youth or even as an adult would increase the ability to concentrate. From personal experience, during the times that I practice often I notice I have an increased ability to focus on other tasks such as reading, studying and finishing other work. But when I slack off and don't practice, my brain seems a tad more flustered and unable to just sit down, choose a task and complete it. Just food for thought...